Silly Sightings

Last weekend I saw this "hair menu" in front of a barber shop. Number 32, please. I really want something that says, "frown."

Also while sunning @ Chelsea Pier, I saw a speedo dude. Notice his face, perfectly framed by foliage. Oh, serendipity...

This Really Is Public Transportation

Today I was checking andimnotlying when I died laughing.

Quoted from Scalp to Nostrils in the Armpit Jungle, June 19th, 2008 by Jeff Simmermon:

“It was a real armpit jungle on the subway this morning, people jammed up in there scalp-to-nostrils like a bunch of soft and complicated Tetris blocks. Everyone flexed their brains real real hard to create a personal force-field, either by staring at a piece of reading material or cranking the iPod and doing the sort of vague-dance-lip-synch that says “hey fuck you, world, I’m so not a part of this that I am astrally projecting myself into a nightclub and at that nightclub on the astral plane I just don’t care about NOTHIN’.”

Then somebody’s weapons-grade anal vapors wafted through the car like a grey-green angel of death. Most people completely ignored it, though the dancing lip syncher did seem to stop opening her mouth quite so wide. There was nowhere to go and nothing to do, just sit there and suck it up in the most literal sense.

One guy just stood there ignoring the fragrance and just eating his breakfast like everything was cool. He methodically worked his way through a baguette, pressing a flattened palm against the tail end and shoving it into his steadily chewing mouth like a log into a wood chipper.

On a good day, eating on the subway is a narrow cut above eating in the bathroom. And we all know that any food that is taken into the bathroom is automatically garbage. There’s molecules flying around in there, man, and they settle on everything. This was far from a good day to eat on the subway. This was bringing food into a funky molecule hurricane.

The human mind naturally tries to draw patterns, to find relationships and pull a thin skin of order over a chaotic world. I was certain that this baguette-chipper was the train farter, immune to his own poison. Then he got off the train and whoever it was crop-dusted the car again.

The train finally stopped and disgorged a couple people, let some fresh air in. For a moment, the deadly anal death-angel aroma traded places with its musical equivalent: the lilting sounds of an Amazonian pan-flute band. For just a second there it was all farts and flute music and faces too close — then some folks got off, the A/C kicked in, and the train doors clipped off the music before we pulled away.”

Random Unrelated Note: If I were playing a rousing game of memory, I would totally have a match:

Surprise!

So... a while ago I picked up this locket at some vintage store. When I got home I thought, "Hey, I should put something in there..." I opened it up and to my surprise....a mermaid was inside. Awesome! It looks like it should be on an underwater trucker's mud-flap. I was going to put a merman on the other side, but after brainstorming w/ a buddy, two better ideas emerged: 1. Ethel Merman, and 2.Merman Munster- Herman Munster as a Merman.

I found. I like. I share today, Wednesday.

1-4.) Found on FFFFound.
5.) "Groceries" by Michael Lewis

Balt is More

A perfect getaway. It was good to see the dudes and meet their new friends in their new home. It's a pretty awesome community they have there in Wham City. Awesome breakfast burrito and beer at Golden West, a Dance Party, Swimmy-fun at Pretty Boy, an Ethiopian feast, Aliens II, a great show with Jana Hunter & Crytacize, and lastly- Za. (Pictured: Me wearing a snail hat from the costume closet of a new Baltimore band- The Snails)

Hawt Dawgs, Getcha Hawt Dawgs!

Mets vs. Dbacks- My first baseball game in NY. This is my awesome view from my awesome seat! While skimming the menu for my veg options, two funny things popped out at me: 1- knish, 2- sushi. I mentioned this to my co-worker Alexa and I think she put it quite perfectly, "Leave it to NYC to ensure that hot dogs AND Jew food are highly prevalent." As far as the sushi goes, it may be for those that are above eating hot dogs and think that hot raw fish is a brilliant idea. The beers were those aluminum "space beers" (what I call them) that Budweiser makes with the Mets/Shea Stadium Logo on them. I was joking about saving them and putting them on top of my kitchen cabinets when I overheard the two 40-ish yr old people behind us sincerely say they would do just that. Oh, boy...

In other news: I am off to Baltimore this weekend to visit art-school buds. May be going to see Jana Hunter and possibly attending Honfest. Can't Wait!

In my Country...

"I have an appointment at 4:30."
"Yes, have a seat."
Three polish women are yapping and laughing in polish. Yes, even laughing in polish. A women opens the door, calls my name and introduces herself, "I am Svetlana, and I will be cleaning your teeth today."

I'm laying down and she starts to poke around on my teeth. She maneuvers my head to face left, bends the sucky-tube (the technical name for it) and hangs it on the side of my mouth. She starts wailing away at my teeth with this machinery, that I have to say, looks a little primitive. The whole experience seems very "old world" and "eastern european." She is kind of rough in her technique, stabbing at my gums. Water and that grainy red stuff is flying all over my face and the sucky-tube isn't working so well. I'm gagging a bit, drooling, and Svetlana is repeatedly wiping shit off my face with my blue paper bib. At this point, I'm not completely sure, but I've just had a stroke, right? She tells me to rinse and sends me on my way. Polska!

Note: Svetlana is a russian name, I know... but I still really think they were all polish. Just a hunch.

If you don't know– Ask.

You’re baking a cake. Let’s just say it’s carrot. A lovely assistant hands you ingredients as you call them off. “2 eggs”. You get 2 eggs. “¾ cup sugar”. You get ¾ cup of salt?! You say, “½ tsp of vanilla” and you get Worcestershire sauce?! Request carrots and you get celery?! A celery cake?!...A celery cake?! This is no “lovely assistant”. This is the opposite of lovely and I can’t bake like this!!

Sometimes I want to teach a little workshop on images, file format, size, resolution and such– Just some basic crap that I really need you to understand. You’ll take notes. And when I am finished, we’ll have two special guests- my roommates. And these fine gentlemen are going to tattoo those notes on your forearm so that you can 1.) feel my pain and 2.) never forget what I have taught you.

*please note: this is comical venting. no anger mgmt problem here :)

Married to the Sea

As some of you may know, I happen to design quite a bit of nautical-based material. After the gym last night, I flipped on Rushmore while I stretched. The line never struck me before, but now I see, it really fits me. Max says to his father that he thinks he should have spent more time in school trying to get girls (roughly). And his father replies, "You are like a clipper ship captain, Max, you're married to the sea." My name's not Max, but sure enough, that's me. (ironic though considering I'm a crummy swimmer)

Good news today! By friday I should have a stage piano in my hands (pictured below)! 88 fully weighted keys! I am sooo excited.

P.S. happy birthday wile e!

Diving In.

I've been thinking a lot about revamping my website, considering I haven't touched it since August 2007...Picking up some freelance, some fun pro bono projects, and/or doing some personal projects. And just like everyone who enjoys creating, but has a 40hr a week job, It's hard to create when you get home and you're tired, hungry... And you want to try and make it to the gym...And relax a little. Before you know it, 11:00pm arrives and what have you accomplished?

I am always finding inspiration everywhere...but it just stops there. Time to dive in.

I found these videos through another blog, and although they are talking about video, and reporting, I think it is totally applicable to what I do. And probably what you do too.